Katherine Hayton | The wrong speed
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07 Oct / The wrong speed

I have been set on the wrong speed all day today. I woke up before 4.00am but convinced myself that if I stayed in bed I would surely fall asleep again. After all, I’m absolutely buggered exhausted. If I just lay there with my eyes tightly shut I would definitely get at least another hour’s snooze before I need even think of getting out of bed.

So after lying in bed not doing anything, and definitely not sleeping, for another half an hour I called it quits and got up to face the world. I had the joy of trawling across the web looking at my analytics while my mind went, you should have tried harder, you should have tried harder, and nothing made a lot of sense. I finally quit it and started to write instead, and then my darling decided to get out of bed early as well thus giving me the perfect excuse to immediately stop.

Usually I take a few hours to get revved up enough to even think of eating anything (unless there is ice cream around whereupon I am immediately hungry upon waking) but this morning I was starving by the time I sat down at my desk, so I ate my breakfast bar before 6.30 where I would usually eat at 8.30am.

I don’t mind a change in routine (I do, I do) but it left me with a slight problem at 8.30am when my stomach once again decided it was breakfast. No matter that I’d already eaten, breakfast was due and breakfast would be had.

It doesn’t help that my ulcers are back so if I don’t have something to eat not only am I hungry but I start to experience actual pain.

There was no help for it. Everything was stacked against me. I gave in and ate my morning tea for my second breakfast.

Well, that shut my stomach up. All good. I went back to my day.

All good until 10.30am which is – you guessed it – when I normally have morning tea. Morning tea already consumed, it was only sensible to move onto lunch.

I’m sad to say that my stomach didn’t even have the common decency to wait until lunchtime. I generally eat my lunch at 12.00pm during the week (the week-end is a structurally different day so doesn’t count) but I needed something to eat by 11.30am. Don’t be stupid, I told my intestines, it’s too early and you can easily wait another half an hour.

5 minutes later I was downstairs in the cafeteria buying lunch. Spag Boll since you ask. Very nice indeed.

I don’t usually require an afternoon tea, but today is just sailing off the horizon as far as normal goes. And then I also required an extra can of coke zero because they got out of sequence with my meals – or my meals got out of sequence with them? Who knows? I needed another one.

I started to walk home like a good girl, but then gave up and got on the bus because my stomach was growling like a monster and I needed to get myself home and next to a fridge and I couldn’t wait an extra 45 minutes just to get a bit of much needed exercise in.

And now it’s 7.30pm. I’ve had my evening cups of tea at 5.30pm so now have another one drawing in the pot. I’m also about to start on my second tea/dinner/supper of the evening, my first having been served at 4.25 and eaten by 4.30pm.

I keep telling myself it doesn’t matter, I’ll probably wake up tomorrow and everything will be back in sync or out the other way, but it’s not working. Worst of all I can hear the evil clothing elves stirring in the skirting boards again. I’d better hide the thread or they’ll be out in force tonight!

By Katherine Hayton in Katherine Hayton's Blog

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