13 May / Robot love
There’s a pinboard in our office that is blatantly discriminating against me. Everyone is allowed to put up their pictures, if they want, except for you-know-who.
I’ve tried to sneak pictures up when the sirens who patrol the area are otherwise engaged. When they return to circling their board of pins, they immediately spot my offerings and tear them down.
When I return to my desk it’s to find my beautiful pictures with rude phrases, derogatory slang, written in caps (CAPS!) across the cutest bits.
You’d think in this day and age there would be a tolerance of people’s life choices. But instead we’re judged by the paths we’ve taken, or by the paths thrust upon us.
I mean, really? Do I actually need to own a pet to get my picture up on the friggin’ pet wall?
I tried putting up a spontaneous photograph of my beautiful white and back rabbit fur leg warmers.
My picture was returned and I was scornfully told that ‘it’s not alive.’
I pointed out that the long deceased pet cat that takes pride of place in the middle isn’t alive either, and that didn’t stop the team leader putting it up there.
Apparently there are “differences” that are “beyond” my level of “understanding.”
Honouring the new policy I placed a wonderful picture of a peacock spider on the wall.
Spiders are not pets.
Some people are so narrow minded.
I know for a fact that people have chimpanzees as pets, but suddenly there was a new rule that the pet had to “belong” to you.
As if that means anything at an existential level. I ask you, can one carbon based life form ever truly belong to another?
According to the rigid parameters of pinboard appropriateness, it can.
I pinned up an ugly dog meme, and it was returned even though I made a good argument that anything posted freely on the internet did in fact “belong” to all of us.
Specificity of ownership is now a condition.
I’m starting to get the feeling that they’re picking on me. Probably just because they’re jealous I don’t have to clean up after any house imprisoned animals.
I’d given up. If I don’t participate at all then they can’t practice their tortuous discrimination. Not on me, anyway.
And then a miracle. A pet I can actually get on board with. One that won’t mind being left alone all day while I’m at work. One that won’t require expensive kennelling when we want to travel overseas.
A robot pet.
Even better, it’s pink! Pink is the best colour for a tiny robot kitty to be!
You wait. 4-12 working days from now I’m going to have my own official pet. And if I get any nonsense about how it isn’t “alive” I’ll just give a little demonstration of a modified Turing test.
I’m pretty sure a robot can exhibit the intelligence of a kitty-cat.