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16 Aug / The last of us

Video games are a great way to avoid doing the things in life you should really be doing. The last of us remastered for PS4 is a way to do that with beautiful scenery, harrowing murders, nightmare inducing clicking sounds, and an emotionally rich storyline.

I spent most of the day fighting my way through a hotel, gunning down and letting my little companion gun down hoodlums in a small shopping centre, getting around the back of an armoured truck-tank hybrid, and then I met a friend.

I haven’t had one since Tess made the painful decision to go down in a hail of bullets rather than turn – and no, Bill doesn’t count as a friend when he’s so overly fond of tripwires – and there was even a little companion for my little companion which is also nice to see.

However, I have a feeling this will end in tears.

Actually, I’m sure this will end in tears because I played through this game over a year ago when it came out for PS3. Although I’d forgotten all about them until I started to beat the hell out of the father and then Elle drew my attention to the son. He was pointing a gun at me.

Nice to make friends.

I was forced to stop playing when a warning message appeared on-screen telling me that my controller was out of juice. It reminded me that there’d been a message a half-hour earlier saying it was probably a fine idea to plug it in and re-charge it.

I wish the same thing happened when internet browsing, which is where I immediately turned when the PS4 was no longer an option. Five hours in and I’m still happily looking up rubbish and following links to more rubbish. Or, learning as I generously call it.

Anything other than what I should be doing. Will-power much?

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So I finally got sick of not being able to hear properly out of my right ear and made an appointment to have it examined and suctioned. The good nurse on duty helpfully said that she did have appointments today – thank goodness it’s driving me crazy – but that she wouldn’t be able to book me one because I needed to drop olive oil into my ear at night for at least three nights before they could do anything.

Great.

So another weekend of blockages to look forward to. I can at least be grateful that the TV is on my left-hand side so I can hear it very well.

The olive oil was a bit of a revelation. A few tiny wee drops directly down the good old ear-hole. What harm could this possibly do?

Well – it’s made it very clear that the blockage driving me crazy since Saturday is hardly interfering with my hearing at all. In fact, it’s almost nothing compared to… compared to… well – compared to having an ear canal SWIMMING IN OLIVE OIL for instance. Ugh. Memories of glue ear as a kid abound.

Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Odd to be looking forward to a Monday.

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I arrived home this evening to find over three kilos of cheese waiting on my couch. I wish all arrivals home could be as wonderful as this. Even though I had ordered and paid for it, I rather appreciated the uncertainty of when it would arrive, thankfully not elongated into annoyance that it hadn’t.

Now, I could always use the time I’ll save in meal preparation (which is now cutting off a wedge and adding a celery stick for fibre) to write another couple of hundred words, but I feel this is probably the wrong thing to do. Instead, I think I’ll use them to savour the taste, the texture, and the scent of these wonderful cheeses.

Yes.

I think that’s the right thing to do.

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… hello money in my bank account.

With a long sigh and a tug at my heart, my latest trip into the future has just been sold and picked up (by someone at least twenty five years younger than me – way to make me feel old!).

Ah Google Glass, what fond memories I have of you adorning my face as I walked around the office pretending to be unable to see people because they were “living in the past”. Gone, leaving me only with the memory of saying “OK Glass.”

And then a few seconds later and a few decibels louder “OK GLASS.”

How well I remember the day that I asked you for a recipe for lemon meringue pie. How well I remember working out after eighteen attempts that you were racist and only understood North American accents. I laughed it off and used your big brother, but it still hurts a little bit Glass.

Still, all things must pass. It’s time to stop being a Glasshole, and start paying my bills again.

You were okay Glass.  

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Tonight there’s a beautiful yellow Supermoon hanging over Christchurch (and probably other places as well). I’d love to post a photo but unfortunately my camera doesn’t see exactly what I do – not really into the optical illusion that my mind is currently grooving on. Keeps taking a picture of a tiny flat white satellite. Not. Even. Trying.

Apparently it’s going to be twenty years or so until the moon is orbiting this close to the planet again – my partner keeps gleefully referring to this as my “last chance to see it in my lifetime” opportunity. Considering he’s nine years older I intend to have the last laugh on that one.

So in summary, instead of writing today I’ve been staring out the window at the moon. Because, science.

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Hey world. Today, rather than writing, I have done the following:
 – Played “The Last of Us” PS4 Remastered Edition
 – Eaten
 – Cooked up some Corned Beef and Custard (like I’m living in the 1900s right?)
 – Put together my lunch for tomorrow
 – Finished reading ‘Sharp Objects’ (does that count as research?)
 – Eaten some more
 – Invented an awesome dessert consisting of heavy cream, peanut butter, dutch cocoa and Splenda
 – Eaten dessert
 – Watched a “documentary” on TWA800 which may as well have been labelled “My Conspiracy Theory”
 – Blankly stared at the corner of the room while trying to decide what to watch next
 – Got some free advertising for a Trade Me listing which I still haven’t managed to sell
 – Unsubscribed from every bulk email listing I’ve managed to add myself onto (so I have more time for writing)

Come back tomorrow. Those remaining 45,000 words ain’t gonna write themselves you know. (Pity, because at this rate neither am I)

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