Katherine Hayton | 2015 January

January 2015

04 Jan / Ugh Monday

Back to work. End of holiday. Grumpy. Go away.

And now I’ve got that off my chest, I’ve had a rather pleasant day today.

First off, I woke up reasonably early. Early enough that I wouldn’t have needed an alarm, although the actual getting out of bed added another twenty minutes onto that.

Throughout my holiday I have managed to sleep between ten and eleven hours every night, despite the fact that the previous night I will also have slept ten or eleven hours so couldn’t possibly need it again.

For the first few nights it seemed fine, but after two weeks it seems rather odd.

The likeliest explanation is that I put on a whole lot of weight, and now I’m sleeping all the time, because my body has decided to go into hibernation. In Summer. Yes, the likeliest explanation.

Next, we went food shopping and I bought fruit and vegetables. I know, right? They’re like plants but which you eat rather than kill slowly in pots. I even restricted my meat purchases to full-price venison on account of its low-fat content.

Then, and you’ll never believe this, I went for a walk. A full walk. Up and down hills. Down and up hills. The full trek that me and my darling used to go on, and which I haven’t quite managed to do for quite a while now.


I must have been calling on the good luck genies because then I got home and checked my Kindle Sales reports to see that I was having my best-ever book sales day.

All of this must somehow be related to the fact that I must don my uniform and make my way into the office tomorrow.

What is the coded message? What could it be?

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03 Jan / Dogs

Next door has a large English Mastiff that gets very lonely very quickly. As soon as its owners go out of the house he’ll start to howl. He’s a big dog with abandonment issues.

The only thing that snaps him out of his open misery is when something or someone strays too close to his territory, whereupon he turns into a ferocious bark-monster.

When it seems like he could figuratively die of loneliness my darling or I helpfully go outside and walk near the fence to snap him from one inappropriate mood into another.

Because of his strange habits, and added ability to throw himself at the dog fence with gay abandon, I’ve gotten into the habit of looking next door every time I’m out in the garden scrutinising my vegetables. And no, that isn’t a euphemism.

And now I’m forever grateful, because this evening I saw a dog driving a car.

Okay, that may be overstating the matter somewhat. The vehicle was parked at the time. But the border collie was sitting in the driver’s seat, and his paws did appear to be at ten and two, so he could’ve been about to start the vehicle and put it in reverse.

I’ve heard people say that border collie’s are smart before, but this is the final proof.

The only drawback is that I’m slightly embarrassed that a dog next door has learned how to drive a car before I have.

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Come on, right! Some of us don’t have social lives – whether by choice or accident – and we’re kind of reliant on a certain instrument that’s become the focal point of many a lounge room.

I am, of course, referring to the laptop computer.

When I was a child I was restricted to one channel on our television, later expanding to two. It took many a long year before some company decided to invest, and lose money, on a third channel. Then a fourth. Then some more. Then you could get Sky TV and watch many, many channels (though oddly no more television programs.)

Now there are so many different channels available for viewing on your computer, or your computer hooked up to your television, or your television’s own on-board computer, that it seems like we’ll never run out of entertainment.

I was a tad worried at Christmas, remembering long hours of boredom as a child where there would be absolutely nothing worth viewing on TV and we would have to play bored board games instead. But it appears that the British remember this as well and produce a wonderment of television viewing to get you through a long day with your relatives.

I’d started to relax somewhat. There was a new series I was interested in released all at once (which is the best idea in entertainment for a long time) and we had a couple of old reality TV shows stored on the hard-drive (so we can reproduce the same sensation by ourselves.)

And then the New Year hit. We’ve gotten so desperate that today we watched an entire free movie from Vimeo and actually watched it through to the bitter end even though it was sick and disturbing and that was just the people attempting to act.

Sometimes a shoestring budget is a hindrance, sometimes it’s an impetus to brilliance, and sometimes it’s more than they deserve.

There’s still another long week of weirdness before all the networks around the world decide that everyone’s over the holidays and ready to sit down and pay some proper attention again.

Let’s hope I can hold out that long.

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01 Jan / Resolutions

Traditional, isn’t it?

Make a resolution on New Year’s Day, break it by February.

I have been trying to find some resolve somewhere, but it lacking somewhat.

I did think about dieting, but since I was already on a diet that fell somewhat flat. As a contribution towards lower-carb living however, I have now cleaned the house out of carbohydrates by eating all of my (yes, my darling and I do have separate supplies) remaining sugar-filled chocolate, and all of the cruskits.

Of course, up until then I had successfully managed to not eat any of these things just through self-control or something so in making that plan I appear to have stuffed up my diet plans instead.

Oh well, onto another one.

I already know that I’ll be publishing a book at the end of this month, so that option is out of scope (unless I want a given.) I could make resolutions to publish more, but I’ve already started the next so it feels like it’s all ticking over nicely.

I received a promotion in my day job at the end of December so there’s another big tick already gone. I’m also trying not to think about work and about how I have to go back to it shortly so I definitely don’t want to make any work plans on my last few days of holiday.

There’s something wriggling around in the back of my head about how I should probably do more exercise, but as it would be almost impossible to do less than I currently do that doesn’t really count for anything. And no, I’m never going to compete in a marathon so get away from me with your big-goal suggestions.

I do need to plant the feijoa tree in the front garden tomorrow so that it has a chance at a happy life. Will that work? I feel that’s on par with resolving to cook tea tomorrow though. Just another chore that needs to get done otherwise a living thing will die.


This, of course, is miles better than the good ole years when every year I could announce I was giving up drinking and smoking and never really mean it.

Maybe not having a plethora of resolutions at hand is actually a sign of progress and I should embrace it.

I resolve to do nothing because I’m pretty much perfect as it stands.

Yeah. 2015. Bring. It. On.

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